d100 Trash and Junk Table

Sometimes Many Goblins find a weird piece of garbage. Sometimes a slaad turns your sword into a random object. Sometimes a murderhobo is grubbing around, clearly unable to move on from this area until they find SOMETHING, but there's definitely no treasure, so you throw them a bone (entry 39) or an oversized moldy boot (entry 20)

I wrote these over quite a long period, so let me know if there are total duplicates and other things that I missed. Also, thank you to my D&D players for helping me crank out the last 10 or so! Very excellent garbage, team <3


d100 Trash & Cool Junk Table

1. A monster that wants to eat you! 1- carrion crawler, 2- fungus (yellow mold, purple fungus, etc), 3- Otyugh, 4- Rot Grubs
2. A paper wasp nest. Maybe a 50% chance it's full of wasps?
3. An ornate table leg that can be used as a club
4. Lead coin somewhat unconvincingly painted gold
5. bag of 100 small balls, like golf balls. May actually be golf balls.
6. Jar filled with live snails
7. Urn filled with ashes
8. tangled bundle of string. Very dirty, but quite sturdy
9. A ten-foot pole that's been duct taped back together
10. A large shell with a crack in it, in it you can hear static instead of the ocean
11. set of bone dice, poorly shaved in attempt to cheat
12. Bag of bent and rusty caltrops
13. A fishing net, holes in it badly repaired
14. Many socks. Do any match? Sort them to find out!
15. Rusty straight razor
16. Axe handle
17. Cool rock (1-purple band, 2- yellow speckles, 3-weird face shape, 3-almost perfectly round)
18. Shovel, blade split nearly in half
19. jar filled with green stuff. Food? Just algae & mold now.
20. single oversized moldy boor
21. Box of mostly unspoiled potatoes
22. Bag of crumpled pieces of colourful paper
23. A basket with a broken handle
24. Very stale scones, can be thrown as projectiles dealing 1d4 damage
25. Spoiled healing potion. Will heal you, but will also make you sick for 1d6 hours
26. Book missing many pages. 1- manual for operating mining equipment; 2- Harlequin romance; 3- hysterical religious text; 4- cookbook for cooking monsters & other dungeon creatures
27. Almost entirely used-up batteries, made of copper, light (nondamaging) acid, copper.
28. broken radio-type machine, only plays (loud) static
29. Several rope scraps tied together to make a 50-ft length. 25% base chance it breaks when used.
30. Many expired credit cards
31. Very scratched CD(s), records, or other recording media
32. Pens with broken nibs, leaky inkwells
33. Quite a few burlap sacks
34. fragment of a spell scroll. Not salvageable, but reading it gives you a minor headache and dizzy spell
35. Can of paint with 1/2 inch of goey paint at the bottom
36. Cracked amphora, no lid
37. Large candle stub 
38. long string, tangled and fragile but suitable as wick/fuse
39. A well-chewed femur, heavy enough to be a club
40. Bottle of wine turned to slightly sludgy vinegar
41. A thumbnail-sized ballbearing
42. A lot of somewhat moldy straw
43. Ripped pillow cases 1-polka dots, 2- zebra/leopard prints, 3- black, 4- cut animal prints (owlbears, froghemoths, etc)
44. Half a roll of tape-bandage. Not clean enough to use as bandage safely, without disinfectant etc
45. jack-o-latern, dried into a somewhat-sturdy container
46.  Stuffed toy, 1 - owlbear, 2- froghemoth, 3- behir, 4- displacer beast
47. chess set missing 1d10 pieces. Chess pieces are 1- dragons, 2-modrons/slaad, 3- geometrical shapes with arcane significance, 4- birds vs the church (very heretical)
48. Deck of cards, only 5d12 cards (if more than a normal deck, then its' several incomplete decks mashed together)
49. Book,  paper written on so many times as to be completely black
50. White Ink
51. Tin soldier (livery of nearest sympathetic empire, geographic or historic), bent, one arm missing
52. Sword bent entirely around like a pretzel
53. Tattered black cowl, blood will wash out
    
54. pretty gross smelling soap, too much lye in it so it stings
55. Perfectly fine boots, but they're a really obnoxious lime green
56. Manacles, locked, no key
57. A black box from an airplane. Doesn't matter whether your campaign has airplanes.
58. Single glove with six fingers
59. Fake skull. Kinda convincing, but not THAT convincing.
60. extremely scratched magnifying glass
61. Psychic paper, but it shows a random thing instead of 'what you expect to see' (1- picture of your/theirs/someone else's kids, 2- the number 'they were thinking of', 3- a queen of hearts, 4- a diary entry of one of the characters, 5- animal facts, 6- porno) 
62. Key (to a random locked door nearby, ideally)
63. Feather duster missing half it's feathers
64. Broom with all the bristles broken off way too short. 
65. Abacus with only 2d6 remaining beads, some broken runners
66. Burnt-out lightbulbs (1d6)
67. Painting in a frame. It's not very good (but that doesn't matter), and it's ripped and stained.
68. Beartrap, rusted shut
69. Bucket with a hole in  it
70. 2d6 cracked and chipped plates and/or saucers
71. Bent fork
72. A perfectly good sewing needle
73. Helmet, three-quarters melted
74. Shard of broken mirror
75. Small box with different fishing weights
76. Fused-up tanglefoot bag
77. Collection of 2d8 worn, faded, and cut up periodicals (Nat Geo, but with dragons... Unnatural Geomantic?)
78. A cheap trophy for an unpopular sport (1-lacrosse, 2- curling, 3- quidditch) 
79. A towel!
80. A chair with one leg that's quite a bit too short
81. 1/10th of a roll of tape
82. Bent & ruined lockpicks
83. preserved peaches so old they've turned into a kind of weird slurry- still edible tho!
84. Terracotta flower pots, 1d6 (stacked), 50% cracked
85. Quarter 'ration' of oil
86. Battered storm lantern that won't stand up straight
87.  bag of broken glass, safely wrapped
88.  Old atlas, out of date but not SO out of date to be particularly  historical
89. A full can of whipped cream. All the nitrous is gone. Nearby are a gang of whippet-high goblins
90. mold-saturated blanket
91. A jar of mismatched buttons
92. A single sandle, slighty magic, falls apart and bits float away if handled roughly
93. Large rotten molar covered in tooth-fairy dust
94. A tattered portrait of a decorated admiral with the face of a frowning cat. Did he ever really exist?
95. Leather bound journal filled with scratchings of a madman, final entry is only discernible sentence: "It's all true"
96. torn-off cover of a wizard's grimoire
97. 3d10 mismatched letters for typesetting
98. 1d4 strings of cheap beads (mardi gras style)
99. Shred of map. May show one useful landmark, not much more
100. actual kind of treasure! Use your favourite 'minor items' table or roll here.

Look at all that useless crap! And, maybe this list will be less useful to you if you run a more 'medieval' and less anachronistic fantasy game, in which case tweak the items to be more grounded, or use the short list below

1. turnip peels
2. old boot
3. string
4. nothing

And last but not least, a 5e version of the randomize object spell- although with that spell, less of the objects should be broken, so tweak the descriptions. And/OR add the seventy or so objects from the Goblin Punch 'Slaad' entry (including in the comments), and we're almost up to a d200 table! 

Randomize Object
2nd-level Transmutation
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V S M (bit of clay)
Duration: Up to 1 hour
Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard
This spell transforms an object no larger than a breadbox that you can see within range into a random new form. An attended object held by unwilling creature may get a Saving throw (wielder's Charisma save) to resist. The transformation should be as random as possible, and the caster has no control over the result of the transformation. At the end of the duration the object may get a second save, otherwise, permanent.

Miscellaneous Magic Items 1d40

To be included in the 'miscellaneous items of variable but not enormous power' section of your random loot table. A section which every loot table should have, naturally.

One of the nice things about 5e is that having magic items as 'totally unnecessary, added-on elements' (that obviously everyone is going to use, cuz they're cool) means that you don't REALLY have 'balance' them at all! Consequently, you can design 'em to be equally useful in a 5e or an OSR game, with basically no conversion work between them. You can do that to some extent with lots of stuff, but with magic items you don't even need to file off the serial numbers. So if you're looking to inject a little OSR into your 5e game, magic items might be the place to start. Hopefully this will function like beautiful propaganda, and soon everything will be OSR-ified.


Miscellaneous Magic Items
(Roll a 1d4-1 (for the tens) and 1d10 for the ones.)

1- Legionaire Helm. Gives reverse telepathy-people can transmit their thoughts to you. Works over 100 ft, or ten times that if the sender takes full round to concentrate (or if they have corresponding Centurion Helm)
2- Brain Wire. Like headphones you plug into someone's ear and listen to to hear their thoughts.
3- Scissors of Precision. Can separate impossible things without damaging them. A persons skin, leaves off a tree, all the grey hairs on someone's head, turn a tapestry into its individual threads, cut all of someones clothes off- even cut someone off mid sentence??
4- Arrow of Dimension Door: when this arrow hits a target, whether creature or object, the shooter teleports to that location. Maybe they kinda ride the arrow like a surf board, or maybe the arrow pokes a hole in space-time and you hop through
5- portable door. This item can be worn as a shield, granting the ability to 'swallow' one missile or ray attack per round (as a reaction). It can also be placed against a wall to create a temporary doorway, large enough to walk thru while crouching. The shield can bridge up to five ft of stone or wood, one inch of metal, but is blocked by gold or lead. The item can be retrieved from either side of the door (there's a knob like thing that also serves as the boss of the shield), and the portal takes one round to close once removed.
6- moss arrow. Can muffle footsteps, help bypass caltrops, oil, grease spell, etc, can temporarily choke/blind a target (1d4-1 rounds, min 1, no save, disadvantage to hit cuz you have to target only the head, only deals 1 damage) (yes I stole this from Thief but I know you wanted it on a random table
7: Blue crystal lens. Like a miniature telescope, you can use it to see through smoke and fog, but only for about 30 ft in front of the telescope's point of focus. So to see further you might have to zoom in more, but that gets increasingly unwieldy to use during combat
8: Shell of the Zondervoze. Like a snail-shell-clam thing you wear on your ear (it has wire loops for this purpose). It lets you have a kind of weird, echo-y telepathy that transmits through the group unconsciousness. Make the players play 'telephone' to pass messages to each other to pass the message- the characters in between don't really hear the message, but their brains kinda shove the contents through, and maybe they catch little snippets, so don't enforce player-vs-character knowledge super hard for this one. Of course, the DM *can* also be included in this chain, but can the characters really trust the subconscious of the miscellaneous monsters hanging around? Characters can pass messages over any distance using this, but that's the basic area of monsters included if the DM gets looped in. In a cute little town this might be relatively safe, but in a dungeon probably just go the other way around the circle.
9: Bishop's Mantle. Provides a mystical ward that abstracts geometry around you. So long as you move diagonally (on a grid) you don't provoke attacks of opportunity. You can also move between objects if the diagonal dimension between them is free, without squeezing, weirdly phasing between them if necessary. While you wear this mantle, you cannot run or charge in a 'straight' line, and you have disadvantage on Acrobatics checks to avoid terrain difficulties when you're moving in a 'straight' line.
10: Knight's Mantle. You can teleport 15 feet at will (two squares forward, one to the side) so long as your movement takes you through a space occupied by a hostile creature.
11: Pawn's Mantle. On the first round of combat, you can take an extra move action. You can also hit people who moved past you in the last round of combat as if they were still adjacent. Unfortunately, you can only move 'forward' (towards your enemies) and you cab only attack the two squares to the left and right in front of you (you know, like a pawn)
12: Pouch of Sleep. You can use this pouch to 'store up' sleep and save it for later. You can store up to 1d6 nights worth (roll every day, excess leaks out and puts random targets to sleep). You can release sleep from the bag to cast sleep as the spell (one charge per night's worth)
13: Bag of Night. When opened, makes it the middle of the night. When used indoors, instead makes the room magically dark, and leaks into 1d6 adjacent rooms
14: Bag of Stars. You can open this bag to shoot stars at people.You can recharge it by climbing a tree or something and waving the bag around on a clear night to catch stars. Roll for each star: 1-2- faerie fire; 3-4- dancing lights; 5- scorching ray; 6 - moonbeam, 7- fireball, 8- sunbeam.
15: Sentient Arrow. Can fire itself at targets, about as smart as a bird of prey. If it hits it gets embedded in target, probably has to be rescued
16: Belt of Tails. Can magically grow different kinds of tails (lizard, feline, monkey, etc). Can be used like a whip, and can grow a whole bunch of tails and kind of helicopter them to prevent the first 1d8x10 fall damage. Can also hold small objects.
17: Abacus of Fate. Lets you count anything you can see. A giant pile of rice, all the stars in the sky, etc etc.
18: Spiral Bomb. Causes a spatial rupture, similar to a bag of holding/portable hole scenario. Sucks everything within a 10ft radius (DC 18 STR save to resist) through a very small gate, reinforced with adamantium. The target takes 8d6+20 force damage. If this damage reduces the target to 0 Hit Points, it is pulped and ejected into the astral plane.
19: Colour Bomb. Like a large hand grenade filled with scientifically admixtured chaos. Deals 6d6+1d8+1d10 damage. The d8 determines the damage type (1-poison, 2-lightning, 3-acid, 4-thunder, 5-cold, 6-fire, 7- radiant, 8- necrotic), and the d10 determines a random condition (1-damage is ongoing (half of original), 2- stunned, 3-blinded, 4-paralyzed, 5- deafened, 6- entangled, 7-sleep, 8-mutation, 9- madness point, 10-1d4 drunk points.)
20: Circlet of Rage. Allows you to spend a HD to get an extra d20 on an attack roll, you take the better one. You can spend multiple hd at once (so 3d20, 4d20,etc). You also take those hd in psychic damage (con bonus doesn't apply)
21: Cloak of Shrouding. Your face and identity are completely blurred out when you have the hood up. You can't be detected by long-range divinations, and short range divinations must pass a DC 15 save to effect you. No one can learn a secret about you by magic, unless NO ONE but you knows the secret
22: Eye-painted pebble. A blue eye painted on a stone, and a corresponding very small mirror. Looking into the mirror is like looking out of the eye.
23: Iron Shoes. Cursed so you can't take them off. If you jump on someone shoes-first, you can have them take up to 10d6 of fall damage you would normally take- if you hit. If you miss, you take damage as normal. Attacks beyond 20 ft have disadvantage if they know you're there, 40 ft if they're not paying attention. The shoes are super heavy, but you can run in them normally, etc. Disadvantage on swimming and stealth, though.
24: Feather Token. 1- Cloud of Butterflies (as fog cloud for 1d6 turns); 2- Beautiful Pipes (music enthralls); 3- Raven Messenger (like animal messanger, obvs); 4- Icy Shores (Freezes the surface of a body of water, thick enough to walk on, 1d6x100 ft radius, lasts 1d6 minutes); 6- Jaguar (turns you into a jaguar for 1d10 hours).
25: Dream Pipe. Magical pipe and special tobacco/drugs mixture. Enough in pouch for 1d6 uses, an alchemist could make more (with proper magic ingredients). Smoking for a minute puts you into a trance, you can appear in other people's dreams. Gives 1d4 points of 'drunk' for the next 1d4+1 hours.
26: Red Goop. Made of extremely potent healing herbs. Almost too potent. Heals 4d8+4 damage, will knit (but not set) bones. Give advantage on Str saves and checks for an hour or so, +20 ft to speed. Addictive, but successive applications can give a mutation point (con save avoids, DC 10+2 for each dose you've had today). Gives 1 point of drunk.
27: Black Lotus Extract. Smoked, gives magic users spell slots back depending on how high they get. One spell level worth for every 'drunk' point. You can split these up however, so three drunk points could be three 1st level slots, or one 2nd, one 1st. You also hallucinate vividly for about a minute, which is fine if you just sit there and chill, but if you try'n do anything, act as confused every turn unless you make a Intelligence save. Technically gives non-magic users spell slots too, but they can't usually do anything with them. When found as a magic item, has 1d10 doses. Highly addictive.
28: Magic Barrel. You can hop inside it and roll around, without getting TOO dizzy. About as fast as a horse. Only works when you're drunk (at least 3 points). Has trouble going up steep hills and stairs. 1d6 damage when you smash into people, can trample.
29: Ugly Stick. The stick itself is very ugly. Counts as magic against beautiful creatures. 1d8 damage, as a club, but can strike for 0 damage if so choose. Anyone hit must make a Charisma save (DC 16) or become very ugly- they loose 1d6 Charisma each time they're hit. Characters with Charisma 6 or less, or who are already quite ugly, may be immune.
30: Breathing Goggles. Let you breath underwater, in a vacuum, etc. 50% chance of screening out poison gas, advantage on saves vs. gas if it doesn't.
31: Drinking Goggles. Ignore the first 5 points of Drunk. If you take the goggles off, all the drunkeness comes back.
32: Belt of Immovability. When activated, the wearer cannot be moved by any means. The wearer can still move their arms, etc, but they can't move from their position unless they deactivate the belt. Supernatural forces may be able to shift the wearer on a successful DC 20 Str check. Charge and ram type attacks still deal damage, but they deal half that amount of damage to the attacker as well.
33: Postage Stamp of Sending- send a letter by magic! Give the players a piece of paper to write the letter. You need an address, but it doesn't have to be a street address ('Awesome John Smith, the Gnarled Hollow Tree Stump, South End of the Svalich Woods, Barovia') If the person is at 'home' it appears close by them in an obvious location, otherwise it appears somewhere near the door (ideally in a mailbox, obvs)
34: Net of Ghost-Catching. Can entangle ghosts, will-o'wisps, etc. While entangled they can't shift their shape or use possession-type powers. DC 15 to evade, 20 to escape.
35: Magic String. Spool appears to have perhaps 50 ft, but actually up to a kilometer. Not unbreakable, but magically good at not being cut or tripped over by accident. Golden gleam in dim light makes it easy to spot. Easily rolls back onto the spool as you retrace your steps, easily untangled/unknotted if the owner wants it to be. Pieces cut off can be added back into the spool and repaired.
36: Immovable Nail. Immovable rod, but in nail form. Doesn't have a button to release, but if you have a magic hammer or crowbar you can pry it out (75% chance it's undamaged enough to use again)
37: Magic Crowbar +1. It's a crowbar that's magic! Deals 1d4 damage if used as an improvised weapon, +1 to hit and damage. +5 to any Strength checks to pry open objects, etc, using the crowbar. Almost unbreakable.
38: Immovable Shield. Button toggles immovable - ness. When locked in place, protects against attacks from a specific direction, and frees up your hands to do other things. Savvy enemies may also use the shield as cover if they're right next to it
39: Spoon of Deliciousness. Makes anything it stirs taste great. It still tastes like whatever it is tho, which could lead to some weird sensations. Could be used to mask bitter-tasting poisons.
40: Needle of Reality. If you stab an illusion with this needle, it dispels it, popping it like a balloon. Also stops real things from becoming illusions, if stabbed through them. Can such a thing happen?

Starting Gear - first four

In the 5e game I run, replacement characters etc start at 5th level. The median party level is probably around 8 or 10, so that's a significant bump down, but it's also at the point where the Backgrounds in the Player's Handbook don't always cut it. Plus, and this is the real headache, character creation takes way too long. Stuff like this 'retroactive backstory' table speed things along, but not enough.

I'm almost tempted to make people start at level one, but I know I'd have a  mutiny on my hands (perfectly justifiable at this point in the campaign)

So instead, I want to make 'Level 5' as much like 'Level 1' as possible. This will include beefed up backgrounds, semi-randomized starting gear and magic items, and set spell lists for wizards and their ilk- so you're a 5th level wizard, well I can just hand you a spell list, I guess that was on the curriculum. And you can tweak it from there

Not all of this is binding of course, customization is encouraged, but this way you don't have to hem and haw over stuff you don't care about (you can keep your valuable hemming and hawing to stuff you really do care about!), and anyway, 5th-level characters need some place in the world, otherwise how did they get to 5th level? That's the added advantage, it gives a chance to embed context and world building into the character creation process


Here are the first four- I'm aiming for at least eight or twelve, and Backgrounds to go with them, but I'm writing kinda slow at the moment so I figure I better just get these out there for starters


Legionnaire's Pack
depending on your standing with the army, you might have kinda sorta 'stolen' these items when you were discharged. Or maybe you were gifted them in honor of your excellent service! Probably stolen, tho.

• Armour of the Legion- slightly mechanized armour, AC 16, grants advantage on Athletics checks (also disadvantage on swimming, because of the encumbrance)
• Legionaire's Helm, provides reverse-telepathy (others can send messages to you, you can block them out if you choose)
• Magetouched sword - minor enchantment, counts as magic but that's about it. Immune to most damage, especially acid and fire. Appears to be made of a strange grey ceramic material. Has a rune near the crossgaurd that you can command to glow, as a candle. 
• Jump Boots- 4 charges, return in an hour. Spend 1 charge to cast jump.

Tower Mage 
used by the official, kinda stuffy charter mages

• Beautiful robes that denote your school and rank. Warded to give you a +1 to AC and to all saving throws.
• A brass-tipped staff, which functions as a spell focus, and lets you know fireball and can cast it once per day without using a spell slot.
• A belt with several raven and owl feathers and strings of beads hung from it, used as impromptu foci for spells. 
• A pouch filled with little bundles of rocks, when thrown creates a cloud of incense smoke, most wizards use this to obscure escape. 1d4 depletion die.
• The Charter of the Arcane, a book of fussy magical rules that you're supposed to memorize.

Adept of Zulin

priests and particularly religious people

• Small blue pet snake. Likes to live in your sleeves or sit on top of your head, which you probably keep shaved for this purpose.
•  Incense of dream-binding: can bind any spirit into a dream, provided the dreamer stays asleep. A dreamer must be properly trained to a degree appropriate for the power of the spirit, and several properly trained dreamers can share responsibilities.
• Staff of Holding- Enchanted to count as magic and cold iron. Can switch between +2 attack and +2 defence as a bonus action. Weilder knows hold person and can cast it 1/day without using a spell slot. Also works like a bag of holding, but can only hold light or negligible items (items appear and disappear from weilder's hand, when they're holding the staff)
• Prayer Beads (roll three times, can have duplicates): 1-Purify Food and Drink; 2- Calm Emotions; 3- Detect Evil and Good; 4- Gentle Repose; 5- Zone of Truth; 6- Sanctuary. Spells can be cast from the beads as a bonus action, once cast they can't be used again until the adept prays over them at the next dawn.

Azure Pirate

There are many scoundrels in the world, but you are one of the most feared

• Gold earring- worth 2 gp, but you won't sell it because it's supposed to pay for your funeral or disability retirement.
• Eyepatch with an eye design embroidered into it-prevents you from being blinded by light effects, and lets you see in dim light as if it were brightly lit
• Cutlass of sky-blue metal, can be commanded mentally to float in water, slightly corrosive so kept in a ceramic sheath, has 4 charges and can expend a charge on a hit to 'tag' a target with acid, dealing 2d4 damage every turn for a minute, or until washed off by alcohol or seawater.
• Feather Token (roll 3 times, keeping duplicates): 1- Control Weather (Fog); 2- Call Wind; 3- Shark; 4- Wings; 5- Phoenix Down; 6- Rogue Wave; 7- Feather Fall; 8- Sympathy

Random Advancement (Robot)

Robots! Also works for homuculi, warforged, golems, etc (with a lil tweaking for flavour)

Previous random advancement tables by me: Human and Very Good Dog.

Compilation of tables can be found here, courtesy of the estimable Jeff Rients. I believe the original idea comes from Zak S.

by Phil Foglio

01-03: Can a robot learn.... to love? No. Well, not you. You're immune to emotional shenanigans, both magical and mundane.(by default robots aren't: flavour it like the magic is messing with their programming)
04-06: You're becoming more and more human, for better or for worse. Roll on the human table.
07-09: You're all tech-y and well travelled and stuff. Roll on the Traveller table.
10-12: This is some Pinocchio shit. Roll on the Fool table.
13-15: let's be honest, if you ended up as an adventurer, you were probably designed as a killbot. Roll on the fighter table.
16-17: You got more dynamos and wires added to your brainbox. Or maybe pins and needles, and now your brain is pretty SHARP. +2 Intelligence, +1 each time you roll this again

18-19: new understanding of these meat creatures who surround you makes you less hard to relate to. +1 Charisma
20-21: new understanding of what your existence really MEANS gives you +1 Wisdom
22-23: gotta upgrade that machinery sometime! +1 Strength
24-25: extra RAM and hard drive space (or like, mauve crystals of you're a magic robot) gives you +1 intelligence!
26-29: Mechanical reliability. Once per short rest, when you would roll a d20 you can instead just make it an 11 (plus whatever stuff you would add to that normally,ofc)
30-33: +1 AC. Stacks.
34: you have a little heads-up display or arm thingy. For each gemstone you install in it, you can detect a kind of magic. Ruby=evocation, Emerald=enchantment, opal=illusion, onyx=necromancy, sapphire=divination, pearl=transmutation, Amber=conjuration.
35: jet boots/pack. You can fly, but only for one turn at a time. If you reroll this, that's an extra turn you can stay up in the air.
36: extradimensional storage. As a built-in bag of holding.
37: "the possibility of successfully navigating this dungeon is approximately 3,720 to 1." You can calculate probability. You probably constantly spout depressing info like that, but once per session this translates to knowing the DC for a effect, the CR of a monster or challenge, the 'level' for a dungeon/adventure, or some other 'unknowable' DM-only metric of balance and design.
38: you've learned how to tell jokes. Gain the 'humour' skill, and the desire to use it at every opportunity.
39: Universal translator. Not actually universal, just programmed with a lot of languages. Easy (10-15) intelligence check when you encounter a new language to see if you already know it.
40-42: you can record sounds, voices, music, any play it back at will. Doesn't duplicate the effects of spells (or DOES it?). Rolling this again lets you capture video as well. And then... Smells?
43: you can finally identify birds. Gain the Identify Birds skill. Rolling this again means you can identify other critters too!

by Matt Dixon

44-46: every time you miss, you get a +1 attack and damage against that target, stacking til you hit it. Roll this again and it's +2, then +3, etc
47: You can emit an EMP that disables spells and robotics. Works as dispel magic, robots are effected as if by hold monster (but robots only) 1/day.
48-50: Flashlight eyes. If you get this again, you can use them to blind opponents by shining the light right in their faces (20-ft line, 5 ft wide; DC 8+proficiency+intelligence bonus). If you get this a third time, you can increase the light to deal 1d4 radiant damgage a round (no save, surprisingly useful to get around regeneration.)
51-52: Ablative armour. Attacks that deal less than (5+your level) in damage instead deal no damage to you. Rolling this again adds 5, then 2, then 1, to the total damage you can prevent
53: you have a flexible human suit or hologram that you can use to pass yourself off as human. If you're a big or weirdly shaped robot, to can fold yourself down to fit in your disguise.
54: you have a robot animal form you can assume. Pick from the druid wild shape table for a character of your level. You're still a robot when you're in that form, obvs.
55-56: machine gun. 2d6 damage in a ten-foot wide area, Dexterity saving throw for half damage. Rerolls of this add 1d6.
57-59: you're super solar powered! You get +1 to all ability checks, attack rolls, and saving throws when you're in direct sunlight. Takes a few rounds to kick in and wear off, but only a few
60-61: you have an alchemical version of grease (an oil slick) and fog cloud, which you can deploy as a bonus action once per short rest
62-63: turbo-boosters give you the effect of Expeditious Retreat once per short rest.
64-65: you have an extra arm, it's like a utility-grasper. You can use it to hold stuff and manipulate things, but not for combat
66: you have befriended a small animal, like a mouse or a bird, that has made a nest inside of you or on your head. This doesn't let you communicate with it in any special way, but it ties to be helpful. Just having it around gives you a +1 to reaction rolls (cuz it's so cute) and +1 to initiative and perception checks (cuz it tries to warn you about stuff)

by Guillaume Menuel

67-69: you can read & memorize books and other written materials just by flipping through em really fast. You can mentally reference them for the information they contain. You can have a # of books stored equal to your intelligence SCORE- any books post that either replace a book of your choice, or impose a stacking -1 to all intelligence saves and checks.
70-71: self repair function. Once per short rest, when you take damage, you may gain a Repair point. As an action you may go into repair mode until the beginning of your next turn: your speed drops to 0, you get +2 AC, and you can't take reactions. You heal as if you'd cast cure wounds on yourself, as a cleric equal to your level.
72: you have a wireless transmitter that lets you communicate with other robots within 100 ft. Non robots can get a special chip implantef in their brain that lets you communicate with them too. This costs 25 coin, and hopefully a medical professional.
73-75: taser! As the cantrip shocking grasp. Rolling this again adds another dice to the damage. If you drop someone to 0 with this attack, they're knocked out instead of dying.
76: cloaking device. When you remain perfectly still you can turn invisible. You can also turn invisible as a bonus action until the beginning of your next turn once per short rest.
77-81: you have an alarm system. When you're resting and powered down you can make perception checks normally. You can set the alarm so that it has loud klaxons and flashing lights, or have it be silent. Either way, you get advantage to initiative if your opponent doesn't know you can do this. Also works when people try to pick your pockets. If you roll this again, reroll.

by Ian McQue

82-83: shield batteries. You have 5 temporary HP, +1 per level, and you regain them at the beginning of your turn if you haven't taken damage since last turn.
84: if you die but your head is still intact, your head can be removed and carried around and you can still talk to people. Resurrecting you just means building you a new body or repairing your old one.
85: you have a mini version of yourself that you can launch and send out, like a drone. It can fly and is tiny, and has half your HP. During this time your big body is immobile and offline, altho it can still watch and remember what went on around it
86-88: you get expertise in a skill you have. If you roll this again you get mega-expertise (triple your proficiency bonus instead of double.)
89-90: hacking dothingy. Totally lets you upstage the thief, but only on mechanical/electronic/magic-tech locks. And computers & computer-analogues. Like the knock spell except it takes you 1d6-int bonus rounds (min 0 rounds)
91: insufferably superior. Anytime one of your friends fails a knowledge, research, intelligence check (stuff like that) you get a free tool at a +2 to see if you know the answer. If it doesn't make sense why you didn't volunteer the info earlier, it's because they 'never asked'
92: every time you take damage in combat you have a 5% stacking chance of flipping out like a barbarian in a rage.
93-94: your clockwork brain lets you predict perfectly any timing based things like traffic lights or smashing hallway traps of doom. You have to have time to study the full pattern; if you have to rush it and the DM calls for a safe or a roll you at least have advantage.
95: you can edit out and jettison parts of your memory, at will. Useful for preventing insanity and mind reading. If you roll this again, you can also partition your mind, effectively having different consciousnesses that might know different things, and can exchange memories, go dormant, etc.

by Filip Burburan

96: your robot-based dance moves give you the performance (dance) skill
97: your eye is quicker than the hand. You see 'fast' enough to count a hummingbirds wing feathers in motion. This gives you advantage vs sleight of hand/pick pocket kinda things, and lets you deflect missiles like a monk (reaction, 1d10+Dex+level damage reduced) but you can't throw em back cuz that's a ki thing, which you don't have. Or DO you???
98-99: You have proficiency in saving throws vs. Devices.
100: You're made of adamantine. Your unarmed attacks and any built-in physical weapons bypass adamantine resistance, deal double damage to objects. You are immune to thunder damage, critical hits, and any effect that would sever a limb or break you into pieces, including vorpal weapons.

Random Advancement (Human)

I've been using the random advancement stuff in some of my games, but since I don't use race-as-class, I just let elf thieves pick if they want to roll on the elf or the thief table. HOWEVER, this creates an issue, since humans don't have a table of their own! I immediately set out to create one.

Sometimes humans are seen as boring 'cuz they're the 'default.' But I humbly disagree. Not surprisingly, mythology is filled with stuff about what it's like to be quintessentially human, much of it contradictory, but all steeped in centuries of meaning-making. Things like making fire, exploring, learning, and the contradiction between being social beings who want to be friends with everything, and kinda basically violent dickheads who trash everything without thinking about the consequences. Or we DO think about the consequences, and that's exactly why we trash shit.

Anyway, no way we're letting elves get all the fun
-----------------------------------------

01-3: Roll on the fighter table

04-06: roll on the thief/rogue table

07-09: roll on the wizard table

11-13: when you're bloodied (drop below 50% hp) and when you drop to 0 HP(or whatever is enough damage to knock you out/kill you in your system) you can react and make an attack

14-15: Disbelief is a powerful thing- you can roll to disbelieve & dispel magic once per day. It has to be obviously magical- if it has a plausible natural explanation you'll just believe in that

16-17: Steal one monster ability that you survive. It should be fictionally appropriate, and might have to be modified so it's usable by a human, but you get it. You cant steal body parts with this, like claws or wings (or can you?!?) but if the thing had the magical ability to fly I guess you could steal that. 

18-20: You can wield weapons that are a size too large for you. If you're not otherwise proficient in weapons, you still get this, but that's all you can wield 

21: you have to obey laws of hospitality, it's like a magical thing for you, but other intelligent creatures are forced to do the same for you. If you're polite, and don't break any major rules of etiquette, that giant will let you crash in it's castle. If you're known to be someone who's broken this before, it doesn't function. Doesn't work on orcs.
22-23: You're a poet and you didn't even realize that rhymed. But it did! You get one random poem per day, from the table found here. Use it or loose it! DM's worth their salt will require the player to at least paraphrase the poem. 

24-26: For each unique kind of creature you've killed (orcs, demons, fey, unicorn, etc) you get +1 damage on your first hit against a type of creature you've never killed before. You have to keep track of what the different creatures are. You can argue what counts as unique, but really rare stuff should always count (if there's only one surviving fire troll, for example)

27-29: if you're ever completely broke (no money in coins, gems, or other liquid assets), you somehow find 1d4 gp. Yes, this means you can give all your money to your buddy and take advantage of this windfall, but that only works once, and now they have all your loot. 

30-33: You get 1 extra hp for each 2 HD you have (round up). 

34-36: you have a favourite food, and when you eat it once per day to gain 1d8 HP. This should be rare and expensive enough that it costs 1d10 coins of whatever standard you're using. 

37-39: something of a polyglot, eh? Learn an additional language of you choice. It should be one that it'd make fictional sense for you to be able to learn, but you can argue with your DM about it. If you roll this again, you can make an intelligence check to understand enough of languages you don't REALLY know to have a basic conversation or get yourself in trouble (DMs note that failing the roll can mean 'hilarious misunderstanding' instead of 'you don't know what they're saying')

45-47: you have a 'floating skill slot' that you can declare at the beginning of a session. You pick pretty much any skill, but it's at half your normal effectiveness/rank whatever

48-50: if you die 'offstage' there's a 50% base chance you're not actually dead. The classic is falling from a great height, but exploding fuel refineries, shipwrecks, rocks falling and everyone dying, etc, might qualify. Note explosions from things like 'fireball to the face' isn't offstage, unless I dunno it sets off a chain reaction of some kind

51-53: you got that halfling luck ability from 5e: any time you to a natural 1, you can reroll. The first time, if you roll a 1 again too bad. Also, whenever you flip a coin or roll a five IN GAME, or other pure chance situations, you can roll twice and take the best result

48-50: That ambiguous human morality! Effects that detect alignment always show you at true neutral. If your game doesn't use alignment, maybe a bonus on saves versus being forced to do really morally non-ambiguous things? If you roll this again, you get to pick what alignment you appear as (altho you don't automatically know someone's casting a spell)

51-53: The gods must really like your jerk-ass! Whenever you receive supernatural healing, you heal an extra hp for every dice being rolled to heal you. So if it's 3d8, +3.

54-55: Good Soldier/team player. You can trade your initiative results with other players. If you roll this again (or if you use some weird kind of initiative at your table) then you can trade attack rolls, then saves. After that, you get nothing.

by Satine Zillah

56-57: The edge & momentum of the fight often go your way. When you roll initiative, you can roll for your first attack at the same time, and decide which roll you want to assign where. 

58-59: whenever you get a mutation from a random mutation table, you can roll twice and pick the best one.

60-61: You get the 'use weird device' skill (even if your system doesn't use that skill, or doesn't use skills at all. Figure something out.) The first time you encounter some weird magic thing or technology, you get a free roll to see if you can get it to work. If you succeed, pick two: 1: you can use it immediately, 2: you know what it does, 3: you avoid any side effects.

Seems like a good idea

62-63: You get the benefit as if drawing from a deck of many things. One card, but if you roll this you can't opt out. Effects take place over the next Haven turn, so if you get the castle one you inherit a castle somehow, if you get death then the grim reaper is gonna show up soon so get your affairs in order.

64-65: Dirty Fighting. You know better than to fight fair. Once per encounter, you may declare that you are fighting dirty before rolling to hit – you get +2 to-hit for your next attack, and if it hits the target is stunned for d3 rounds (as if they were surprised and unable to act, so your backstabby friends might want to take advantage of that) in addition to taking regular damage. Probably from getting bit in the groin, let’s be honest, but any discernible weak point will allow this to work. If you get this again, you can blind them instead. Then get sneak attack +1d6 (like a thief or rogue)

66-67: Fire keeper. Humans invented for, right? Or at least some Prometheus guy stole it for our benefit. Torches last twice as long for you, and you can start and keep fires going in anything less than gale-force winds. Once per day you can gain resistance to one fire attack or effect, and if you do your next attack deals +1d8 fire damage

68-69: You’re super good at dodging. +1 AC. Treat it like an extra bonus from Dex, except your Dexterity score doesn’t actually go up. This bonus is double if you use it actively, like taking the Defense action on your turn in 5e.

70-71: You may befriend any one animal, or monster of animal level intelligence.  It must be solitary when encountered. No dice rolls are necessary, you simply make a new friend who will follow you and be loyal as long as you treat it well. You may only use this ability once. Reroll if you get this result again (unless your pet already died, in which case you get a replacement, even though nothing will ever replace them in your heart)

72-73: Your parents/grandparents/great grandparents were really into 'frolicking' in those Elven glades. Roll on the Elf chart.  If you get a result like "Gain a spell slot as usual" you get it as a spell-like ability.

74-75: I guess you come from a mining family. Roll on the Dwarf chart.

76-77: By sleeping a lot all at once, you can 'bank' rest- you can have a number of nights 'stored' equal to your constitution modifier. This doesn't count as a 'long rest'it just let's you avoid the effects of fatigue

78: The rumours are true – that thing you wanted? The Tablet of Making? The Hand of Dominion? The power-armour gauntlets? The Giant Death Ray? It’s there. 4 sessions worth of adventure away or less. Tell your Referee, who then must place it.

You must have a fair shot at it – like any other treasure, but there’s no guarantee you will get it. If you don’t get it by the fourth session you can keep trying or let it go and roll again on this table. However, if you choose to roll again and then you do get the thing somehow anyway, you lose whatever gimmick you rolled. your Ref needs to think up some clever reason why.

79: you've got blood from so many different lineages in you, no one knows what's what. Treat yourself as being whatever creature type is most advantageous for using magic items and stuff. For hostile effects you still count as vanilla human.

80-81: if there's ever a effect that applies to characters randomly, it won't be you. Unless it's beneficial and you want in!

82-83: when you're in your own house you're treated as having 2x the number of hit points

84-86: Pick an environment you’ve spent a lot of time fighting in: city, dungeon, wilderness, desert, sea, etc. Whatever it is, you can now anticipate wandering monsters a round ahead of time in that environment and are immune to (mundane) surprise there. If you re-roll this, pick another environment or get an extra round of anticipation, your choice.

87-88: When you have line of sight on a banner or battle standard of a cause you're loyal to, you get +1d4 to attacks, saves, and skill checks

89-90: did you know humans kinda evolved to be endurance predators? +2 Constitution

91-92: Humans are super bossy kinda control freaks. You can use Command once per short rest. If you know the creature's name, they get disadvantage on the save

by SpaciousInterior

93: Borrowed Fate: steal another character's d20 roll once per day. Record the result, and then you can use it in place of one of your own rolls

94-95: when you use a book for the first time, you can just flip through it to find out something useful. Rolling this again means you can get more than one useful thing. 

96-97: Add an extra weapon damage die to critical hits. 

98-99: any weapon you use has an exploding die for damage. That means if you roll the max number (6 on a d6, 12 on a d12, etc) you roll another die of the same kind and add it.

00: Second Sight. You can see invisible creatures and through illusory disguises with a simple Wisdom check. You can sense ethereal creatures, and astral presences show up as an aura.

From Tomb Of Annihilation. Dinosaur riding. That's the kind of shit humans get up to. 

Random Advancement (Dog)

One of my players just rolled up a Really Good Dog... But I've been using a lot of the various 'random advancement' tables, and there doesn't seem to be any table for dogs! So I had to write my own. A small contribution to the OSR's excellent dog content.

EDIT: the mysterious blog that I templated this table off've has been uncovered through the magic of Google Plus! so thanks a Perttu Vedenoja, having the baseline to go off've made this a lot easier :)
----------------------------------

By SunaSoldier

01-3: Charisma increases by 2

04-06: Dex increases by 2

07-09: Pick Str, Con, Int, or Wis. That stat increases by 1.

11-13: You’re actually surprisingly good at climbing ladders.

14-15: One of your teeth is magic. By taking -1 to damage you can overcome magic resistances of most creatures. The -1 is cuz you can only bite with one side of your mouth, so if you roll this again the -1 goes away, and then after that your bite counts as a +1 weapon, and so on.

16-17: You can jump twice the normal distance vertically. You can also work a little somersault in there, if you want to .

18-20: Such a cute pup; you get to add your charisma bonus as well as your dex to your AC.

21-23: You get +2 to initiative. If you roll this again, you just get +1, but it keeps stacking. If you’re ever completely surprised, you at least get a bonus action (5e term)

24-26: You can Dash or Disengage as a bonus action.

27-29: Your move speed inceases by 10 feet. Stacks every time you roll.

30-33: Dog farts let you release an effect like a troglodyte stench once per short rest (maybe more if you’ve eaten some really gassy food, but then you don’t get to control exactly when it goes off!) (All creatures within a 5 ft range must succeed on a Constitution saving throw [DC 8+Proficiency+Cha OR Con bonus, whichever is better] or be poisoned until the start of the creature's next turn. On a successful saving throw, the creature is immune to the stench of all dog farts for 1 hour.

34-36: You go up a rank in doggy nobility. Use whatever system for factions, or the 5^th edition one, whichever is most convenient. See an upcoming post for the ‘Dog Clans’ faction info! Sorry, I couldn’t fit it all in here, but I’ll link to it once’ it’s written <3

37-39: You’re part wolf! This doesn’t do much, but it does allow you to have access to a place that is normally ‘no dogs allowed’ or dodge a spell that targets only dogs- cuz you’re not a dog! Also wolves treat you as a (slightly embarrassing) cousin, rather than a decadent traitor of all wolfkind.

DiTerlizzi, OBVS

40-44: Pick a kind of animal, or roll 1d6: 1- goats, 2- horses, 3- cats(booo!), 4- fish, 5- snails, 6- Pigeons & Seagulls. You know that kind of animal’s language.

45-47: All dogs go to heaven, so if you die you can count on a dog angel showing up to escort you to paradise. This is true of ALL dogs, not just ones who roll this power! Your special power is you always know when an action you take would be ‘not good’- that is, something that would endanger the whole ‘going to heaven’ thing, but isn’t immediately obvious. It won’t endanger YOU going to heaven though, obviously. Although it should be noted that if you’re ACTUALLY awful, you might turn into a cat.

48-50: If you bork at a spoopy ghost, IT gets spooped instead of you! Undead with fear attacks have to save as if against their own fear (and if they’re normally immune to fear they’re not immune to this, cuz they’re scaring THEMSELVES- only robot ghosts are maybe immune, unless they’ve learned to love)

51-53: Dogpile! You can join a grapple, regardless of however many people are already in the grapple, and the normal rules for doing so. No penalties. Yes, this will make whatever overly-complex grappling rules even more messy; you don’t care, you just jump in there.

48-50: You can either shove a creature back ten feet or knock it prone in addition of doing your regular damage on a melee hit, if you declare your intent and take a -2 penalty to hit. They can be no larger than a bear (or an ogre, or something in that ballpark) for this to work, and they get to save to just take the damage and keep their footing. If you roll this again, no more size restrictions. Re-roll the third time you’d get this.

51-53: Once per session you may gluttonously devour a week’s worth of rations in one turn.  You heal d6 hit points.  Pigging out does not heal any special or critical effects, only abstract hit points.  Reroll if you get this result again.

54-55: Sic ‘em dog! Once per fight, another character can use an action to get you to do something.

56-57: Things you hit tend to stay hit. add +1 to damage you do. If you roll this again, increase the bonus by 2, so second roll is +3, third +5, fourth +7, and so on.

58-59: +2 to saves against illusions and stuff. You also are no longer fooled by that ‘pretending to throw a stick but then the real stick is still in their hand’ thing that humans do. As often. That +2 also applies to wisdom checks to know when someone’s faking you out.

60-61: Iron stomach. You can eat really gross things (like even grosser than a normal dog) without getting sick. You don’t have to save against normal rancid food or whatever, but in a situation where you have to save (someone put black lotus powder in your kibble), you get a +2 to Poison and Disease saves against stuff that you eat.

62-63: If you’re fighting a skeleton or a creature made out of a significant quantity of bones*, then when you hit them with your bite you can steal one of the bones. This deals triple your normal bite damage, and choose one: 1: steal a leg bone-creature’s speed is halved. 2: arm bone- one less attack per round, or if they only get one, they have disadvantage on that attack. They’ll probably chase you to get the bone back, unless they’re already busy in combat.

If you roll this again, it now works on constructs, then after that pick another kind of thing it works on. You’re probably not actually stealing the orc’s ENTIRE arm if you do that, but you’re putting that limb out of commission for the fight. Probably.

Genius artist unknown

64-65: Dirty Biter. You know better than to fight fair. Once per encounter, you may declare that you are fighting dirty before rolling to hit – you get +2 to-hit for your next attack, and if it hits the target is stunned for d3 rounds (as if they were surprised and unable to act, so your backstabby friends might want to take advantage of that) in addition to taking regular damage. Probably from getting bit in the groin, let’s be honest, but any discernible weak point will allow this to work. If you get this again, get sneak attack +1d6 (like a thief or rogue)

66-67: Herding instinct. If you’re working with groups of herbivores, you can make them do what you want with Charisma or Diplomacy, whatever your system uses. Undomesticated animals can be herded with disadvantage. If you get this again, you can use it on even ridiculous or fantasy animals, like triceratops or hippogriffs (although you might want to be able to fly for that one-maybe you nip them if they try to take off?). If you roll this again, maybe you can use it on sheep-like groups of people? Or just re-roll.

68-69: You’re super good at dodging. +1 AC. Treat it like an extra bonus from Dex, except your Dexterity score doesn’t actually go up. This bonus is double if you use it actively, like taking the Defense action on your turn in 5e.

70-71: You may befriend any one animal, or monster of animal level intelligence.  It must be solitary when encountered. No dice rolls are necessary, you simply make a new friend who will follow you and be loyal as long as you treat it well. You may only use this ability once. Reroll if you get this result again.

couldn't find attribution for this one either, please tell me if you do

72-73: You must have some Elven Moonhound in you!  Roll on the Elf chart.  If you get a result like "Gain a spell slot as usual" you get it as a spell-like ability, if appropriate, otherwise for something more suitably elf-dog-ish.

74-75: You must have some Tunnel Setter in you! Roll on the Dwarf chart.

76-77: You can snatch the missiles out of the air with your teeth, like someone was throwing a stick for you. Works once per turn.

78: The rumours are true – that thing you wanted? The Collar of Best in Show? The Human Whistle? The thighbone of Tyroganon Ferox? That really good belly rub? It’s there. 4 sessions worth of adventure away or less. Tell your Referee, who then must place it.

You must have a fair shot at it – like any other treasure, but there’s no guarantee you will get it. If you don’t get it by the fourth session you can keep trying or let it go and roll again on this table. However, if you choose to roll again and then you do get the thing somehow anyway, you lose whatever gimmick you rolled. your Ref needs to think up some clever reason why.

79: You’re a really excellent watchdog! You’re never surprised when you’re keeping watch, and your companions are able to rouse themselves immediately when they hear your warning barks.

80-81: Your crit range extends by one (so you do criticals on a natural 19 and 20 when you first get this, 18-20 the second time around, and so on).

82-83: You’ve seen some shit. Immune to fear effects. If you re-roll this, your companions get +2 to saves vs. fear if they can witness your resolve, then +4 and so on.

84-86: Pick an environment you’ve spent a lot of time fighting in: city, dungeon, wilderness, desert, sea, etc. Whatever it is, you can now anticipate wandering monsters a round ahead of time in that environment and are immune to (mundane) surprise there. If you re-roll this, pick another environment or get an extra round of anticipation, your choice.

87-88: Nimble lil dog! Any time you would normally save for half damage, you take no damage on a successful save. If you roll this again, you take half damage even if you fail your save.

89-90: Spooky moves! As a reaction when you get hit, reduce the incoming damage by half. Only works once per turn.

 

I think this is ye olde history art

91-92: You can force a morale check on an enemy group by just growling and barking, even if they outnumber you (but they should probably get a bonus of some sort in that case). This takes no action, but you can do it only once per encounter. Failure means they either run away or freeze in fear (so no fighting retreats). Only works on intelligent enemies with less HD than you (or HD1, in case you get this at first level). If you reroll this, you get to treat your level as 2 higher when using this.

93: Fleabag. Sure, you’re always scratching, but once per fight you can give them to an enemy within 5 feet. They get -1d4 to all attack rolls, saves, and skill checks, until they get a remove curse or a flea collar or something.

94-95: Get stronger/tougher/more limber. Increase a random physical attribute score by +1, up to your maximum value. If you would go over that, pick one of the other two to add to instead. If you’ve somehow maxed out everything already, no re-rolls.

96-97: Add an extra weapon damage die to critical hits. (or, increase multiplier by one if that sort of lingo pleases you.)

98-99: Vorpal bite. If you roll a natural 20 against something with a head in melee and it’s level/HD is equal to or less than yours, it doesn’t have a head anymore. (Effectiveness of head loss may vary depending on the enemy, your Referee will tell you.)

Treat your level as one higher than it actually is (for purposes of decapitation only) for each re-roll of this.

00: Your latent Magic Dog powers manifest. Pick any spell with a level less than your own if you were a wizard. You can cast it once per day, but only on yourself (and your best friend I guess if it’s a healing spell)

It's dogs playing D&D what more do you want

In summary, I would like to provide this link to all of you. I hope it brings you much joy.