The Red Curse of Language

Everyone wants cool, mysterious languages for their games. But no one wants to deal with the annoying fiddly bits that come from it. Solution? Magical languages!

The Magical Tongues

• Carsek: Supernaturally easy to learn. Pushes out other languages, slowly, in the brain. Crawls its way into texts, slithers across pages and inscriptions, translating and destroying both. Because of this, the Carseks tend to see other tongues as particularly strange, like weeds groing in the cracks of a neatly-tended sidewalk. Speakers of other tongues call it the Red Curse.

• Shalk: Supernaturally hard to forget. Borne in the blood of it's people. All Shalk can learn the Language, it grows like a tree in their mind from the smallest seed of exposure. It can be suppressed, but will rise again. There are many dialects and ways of speaking, which a non-Shalk would have to learn individually, but all quickly become familiar to another speaker of the Language.

• Abati: Supernaturally universal. Words which reconstruct themselves before you from base principals. Although named after one culture, dialects, all different but relatively intelligible, spring up all over the universe like mushrooms after a rain. Spoken by wizards, understood by rocks and trees and birds. Fire speaks this language. As wizards walk by hidden ways throughout the many planes and cities, they carry this language with them, like sparks fanned out from a fire. In secret places all over the world, you will hear this language whispered. Those without magic speak this language haltingly, with leaden tongues.

All PCs should share at least one starting language. You think it'll be fun to have a language barrier, but... I mean, you do you, but in my experience it gets old fast. Shalk characters know the Language for free, spellcasters can know Abati, and anyone can know Carsek. In addition, humans probably know the local language, if it's still spoken at all. 

Worlds of Creation II

The Otherworlds

The Blind Eternity
The space between spaces

The Eternity is not so much a plane or a place as it is a concept- a mathematical certainty, binding together all places. It is infinite, a place without a place, no beginning or end. Two objects within the Blind Eternity can never touch, for any distance is an infinite distance. Powerful magic can use Eternity to travel instantly across the multiverse, stepping out of one realm into Blindness, and allowing themselves to be pulled into being again pulled by the insistence of another world.

Legends say that the Blind Eternity itself is home to life- strange and alien though it may be. Indeed, the humanoids known as the Gith-yan-ki are known to have retreated there, although what substance their refuge takes, none can say.

The Land of Anwwn

Beyond the Veil

Anwwn is the land of the dead, the land of the fairies, the land beneath the hill. It is an eternal realm, a clock that determines the hour to be tolled, and does not wait to be told the hour. The Raksha, and their descendants, reside here, in endless revelry, and they promise immortality to those who forget their lives and join them under the hill.

The Land of Nod

Through the Looking-Glass

Nod is the most common realm frequented by mortals, for each of them travels their whilst they dream. Built of layers upon layers of accumulated dreamstuff, a reflection of the mass hallucination of humanity. Scholars argue whether dreamers produce the substance of the plane, or merely shape a dimension that was already there.

The Land of Xibalba

The City at the Edge of the Pit

Beneath the river of souls, sitting at the mouth of the underworld, is a city. Built into the lip of the chasm, it teeters always on the knifes blade of destruction, it's endless flood of refuges from the blighted lands of life pouring always into it's halls, seeking solace from the endless dark that calls from beyond the walls. The city acts as a net for lost souls, the last stop of desperation before Oblivion.

The Void

The final certainty

The Void is negation, destruction. Where Blind Eternity is infinite, the void is zero. It is the vacuum that eats at matter, mind, and magic. It is the dissolution of all stasis, except the final equilibrium of nothingness. It is the black pit beneath every traveler's footstep, the crack in every wall. It pulls the realities out of the unending formlessness of Eternity, and with each tear and break and omission, gives shape and form and meaning to the multiverse- and then casts that meaning down into dust.

Random Advancement (Human)

I've been using the random advancement stuff in some of my games, but since I don't use race-as-class, I just let elf thieves pick if they want to roll on the elf or the thief table. HOWEVER, this creates an issue, since humans don't have a table of their own! I immediately set out to create one.

Sometimes humans are seen as boring 'cuz they're the 'default.' But I humbly disagree. Not surprisingly, mythology is filled with stuff about what it's like to be quintessentially human, much of it contradictory, but all steeped in centuries of meaning-making. Things like making fire, exploring, learning, and the contradiction between being social beings who want to be friends with everything, and kinda basically violent dickheads who trash everything without thinking about the consequences. Or we DO think about the consequences, and that's exactly why we trash shit.

Anyway, no way we're letting elves get all the fun
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01-3: Roll on the fighter table

04-06: roll on the thief/rogue table

07-09: roll on the wizard table

11-13: when you're bloodied (drop below 50% hp) and when you drop to 0 HP(or whatever is enough damage to knock you out/kill you in your system) you can react and make an attack

14-15: Disbelief is a powerful thing- you can roll to disbelieve & dispel magic once per day. It has to be obviously magical- if it has a plausible natural explanation you'll just believe in that

16-17: Steal one monster ability that you survive. It should be fictionally appropriate, and might have to be modified so it's usable by a human, but you get it. You cant steal body parts with this, like claws or wings (or can you?!?) but if the thing had the magical ability to fly I guess you could steal that. 

18-20: You can wield weapons that are a size too large for you. If you're not otherwise proficient in weapons, you still get this, but that's all you can wield 

21: you have to obey laws of hospitality, it's like a magical thing for you, but other intelligent creatures are forced to do the same for you. If you're polite, and don't break any major rules of etiquette, that giant will let you crash in it's castle. If you're known to be someone who's broken this before, it doesn't function. Doesn't work on orcs.
22-23: You're a poet and you didn't even realize that rhymed. But it did! You get one random poem per day, from the table found here. Use it or loose it! DM's worth their salt will require the player to at least paraphrase the poem. 

24-26: For each unique kind of creature you've killed (orcs, demons, fey, unicorn, etc) you get +1 damage on your first hit against a type of creature you've never killed before. You have to keep track of what the different creatures are. You can argue what counts as unique, but really rare stuff should always count (if there's only one surviving fire troll, for example)

27-29: if you're ever completely broke (no money in coins, gems, or other liquid assets), you somehow find 1d4 gp. Yes, this means you can give all your money to your buddy and take advantage of this windfall, but that only works once, and now they have all your loot. 

30-33: You get 1 extra hp for each 2 HD you have (round up). 

34-36: you have a favourite food, and when you eat it once per day to gain 1d8 HP. This should be rare and expensive enough that it costs 1d10 coins of whatever standard you're using. 

37-39: something of a polyglot, eh? Learn an additional language of you choice. It should be one that it'd make fictional sense for you to be able to learn, but you can argue with your DM about it. If you roll this again, you can make an intelligence check to understand enough of languages you don't REALLY know to have a basic conversation or get yourself in trouble (DMs note that failing the roll can mean 'hilarious misunderstanding' instead of 'you don't know what they're saying')

45-47: you have a 'floating skill slot' that you can declare at the beginning of a session. You pick pretty much any skill, but it's at half your normal effectiveness/rank whatever

48-50: if you die 'offstage' there's a 50% base chance you're not actually dead. The classic is falling from a great height, but exploding fuel refineries, shipwrecks, rocks falling and everyone dying, etc, might qualify. Note explosions from things like 'fireball to the face' isn't offstage, unless I dunno it sets off a chain reaction of some kind

51-53: you got that halfling luck ability from 5e: any time you to a natural 1, you can reroll. The first time, if you roll a 1 again too bad. Also, whenever you flip a coin or roll a five IN GAME, or other pure chance situations, you can roll twice and take the best result

48-50: That ambiguous human morality! Effects that detect alignment always show you at true neutral. If your game doesn't use alignment, maybe a bonus on saves versus being forced to do really morally non-ambiguous things? If you roll this again, you get to pick what alignment you appear as (altho you don't automatically know someone's casting a spell)

51-53: The gods must really like your jerk-ass! Whenever you receive supernatural healing, you heal an extra hp for every dice being rolled to heal you. So if it's 3d8, +3.

54-55: Good Soldier/team player. You can trade your initiative results with other players. If you roll this again (or if you use some weird kind of initiative at your table) then you can trade attack rolls, then saves. After that, you get nothing.

by Satine Zillah

56-57: The edge & momentum of the fight often go your way. When you roll initiative, you can roll for your first attack at the same time, and decide which roll you want to assign where. 

58-59: whenever you get a mutation from a random mutation table, you can roll twice and pick the best one.

60-61: You get the 'use weird device' skill (even if your system doesn't use that skill, or doesn't use skills at all. Figure something out.) The first time you encounter some weird magic thing or technology, you get a free roll to see if you can get it to work. If you succeed, pick two: 1: you can use it immediately, 2: you know what it does, 3: you avoid any side effects.

Seems like a good idea

62-63: You get the benefit as if drawing from a deck of many things. One card, but if you roll this you can't opt out. Effects take place over the next Haven turn, so if you get the castle one you inherit a castle somehow, if you get death then the grim reaper is gonna show up soon so get your affairs in order.

64-65: Dirty Fighting. You know better than to fight fair. Once per encounter, you may declare that you are fighting dirty before rolling to hit – you get +2 to-hit for your next attack, and if it hits the target is stunned for d3 rounds (as if they were surprised and unable to act, so your backstabby friends might want to take advantage of that) in addition to taking regular damage. Probably from getting bit in the groin, let’s be honest, but any discernible weak point will allow this to work. If you get this again, you can blind them instead. Then get sneak attack +1d6 (like a thief or rogue)

66-67: Fire keeper. Humans invented for, right? Or at least some Prometheus guy stole it for our benefit. Torches last twice as long for you, and you can start and keep fires going in anything less than gale-force winds. Once per day you can gain resistance to one fire attack or effect, and if you do your next attack deals +1d8 fire damage

68-69: You’re super good at dodging. +1 AC. Treat it like an extra bonus from Dex, except your Dexterity score doesn’t actually go up. This bonus is double if you use it actively, like taking the Defense action on your turn in 5e.

70-71: You may befriend any one animal, or monster of animal level intelligence.  It must be solitary when encountered. No dice rolls are necessary, you simply make a new friend who will follow you and be loyal as long as you treat it well. You may only use this ability once. Reroll if you get this result again (unless your pet already died, in which case you get a replacement, even though nothing will ever replace them in your heart)

72-73: Your parents/grandparents/great grandparents were really into 'frolicking' in those Elven glades. Roll on the Elf chart.  If you get a result like "Gain a spell slot as usual" you get it as a spell-like ability.

74-75: I guess you come from a mining family. Roll on the Dwarf chart.

76-77: By sleeping a lot all at once, you can 'bank' rest- you can have a number of nights 'stored' equal to your constitution modifier. This doesn't count as a 'long rest'it just let's you avoid the effects of fatigue

78: The rumours are true – that thing you wanted? The Tablet of Making? The Hand of Dominion? The power-armour gauntlets? The Giant Death Ray? It’s there. 4 sessions worth of adventure away or less. Tell your Referee, who then must place it.

You must have a fair shot at it – like any other treasure, but there’s no guarantee you will get it. If you don’t get it by the fourth session you can keep trying or let it go and roll again on this table. However, if you choose to roll again and then you do get the thing somehow anyway, you lose whatever gimmick you rolled. your Ref needs to think up some clever reason why.

79: you've got blood from so many different lineages in you, no one knows what's what. Treat yourself as being whatever creature type is most advantageous for using magic items and stuff. For hostile effects you still count as vanilla human.

80-81: if there's ever a effect that applies to characters randomly, it won't be you. Unless it's beneficial and you want in!

82-83: when you're in your own house you're treated as having 2x the number of hit points

84-86: Pick an environment you’ve spent a lot of time fighting in: city, dungeon, wilderness, desert, sea, etc. Whatever it is, you can now anticipate wandering monsters a round ahead of time in that environment and are immune to (mundane) surprise there. If you re-roll this, pick another environment or get an extra round of anticipation, your choice.

87-88: When you have line of sight on a banner or battle standard of a cause you're loyal to, you get +1d4 to attacks, saves, and skill checks

89-90: did you know humans kinda evolved to be endurance predators? +2 Constitution

91-92: Humans are super bossy kinda control freaks. You can use Command once per short rest. If you know the creature's name, they get disadvantage on the save

by SpaciousInterior

93: Borrowed Fate: steal another character's d20 roll once per day. Record the result, and then you can use it in place of one of your own rolls

94-95: when you use a book for the first time, you can just flip through it to find out something useful. Rolling this again means you can get more than one useful thing. 

96-97: Add an extra weapon damage die to critical hits. 

98-99: any weapon you use has an exploding die for damage. That means if you roll the max number (6 on a d6, 12 on a d12, etc) you roll another die of the same kind and add it.

00: Second Sight. You can see invisible creatures and through illusory disguises with a simple Wisdom check. You can sense ethereal creatures, and astral presences show up as an aura.

From Tomb Of Annihilation. Dinosaur riding. That's the kind of shit humans get up to. 

The Worlds of Creation I

The Five Earths

image from here

Five material planes are known by scholars of such matters. Unlike the unstable potentialities of the Long Earth, the quasi-imaginary Outer Planes, or the Inner Planes of pure energy and mathematics, the material planes are 'Real.' This property, surprisingly rare, is effectively the single most important resource in the multiverse. Reality is like an anchor, without which things shift and change of their own volition, or subject to outside forces. Civilizations with the resources work to extract resources like gold, furs, and oil from the Long Earth, and tap into the energy of the Inner Planes to power magic and machinery. However, the Outer Planes hunger for the stability of reality. A being without 'reality,' like a spirit, can wink in and out of existence without warning. Souls, worship, even simple notoriety are all ways to confer Reality, but so is eating mortal food, bathing in a river, watching the sunrise, and many more esoteric methods. Many prefer more direct methods, however, and so the worlds of mortals have been the centre of cosmic conflicts since their formation.

not sure about the artist, think its from a WoD book

Draco          the world of the Sleepers.

Draco is the most populous human world. Separated from the rest of the multiverse by a great chasm in reality known as Ginnungagap, the tides of magic are sparse, manifesting as sporadic waves, channeled through the plane’s ley-lines, or coalesced into physical manifestations of mana.

The Somnium: Humans of this plane suffer from Disbelief, an ability that unravels magic and occludes the supernatural from their awareness. While they sleep, their minds form powerful dream-realms, and there are clusters of these realms called 'Skerries' all around the Material plane of Draco. It is from here that the most reliable source of magic flows, and the nature of dreams and skerries are closely tied to the position of nearby ley lines.

Lords of the Shadows The effects of the Somnium on non-humans varies, but it is a pervasive and negative force. As such, Draco is populated nearly exclusively by humans. But the plane also supports a large population of vampires. They are sheltered amongst the crowds of humanity, and go out of their way to protect Draco's civilization from outside threats. Their powers function relatively flawlessly in the presence of Disbelief. The most severely hurt by the abyss are the elves, who grow sickly and malnourished as they are slowly starved of magic. Still, elves are one of the few races able to bypass Ginnungagap and travel in and out of the plane, so Draco is not totally bereft of their presence. Elves make occasional forays here, to procure childer or supplies, or else to study the Somnium, in hopes of preventing it from spreading to other planes.

Iseult         the dungeon planet

Iseult is a overgrown world teeming with monsters. A great core of crystal sits at the heart of the planet, and the abundant energy accelerates plant and animal growth, promotes mutation, and makes the land itself seem alive in its geography and it's intent. Vast networked tunnels of rust and metal passages criss-cross beneath the surface, hidding technologically super-advanced ruins, fused reactors of Orichalium, humming kazadite batteries, time-generators, and strange mutants and guardian creatures. 

The Pulse: The pulse is a wave of psychic energies, that moves across the plane like a great wind, and as regular and unstoppable as the tides. The pulse frequently sucks in planar travellers who come to close, hijacking flawed spells and breaching the containment fields of damaged vessels. The pulse hexes out electronic equipment, gunpowder, computer chips, and so on, so after a crash people are frequently marooned.
The Ma-Gith: Iseult is ruled by an empire of the Gith, marooned there generations ago when their damaged vessel was drawn into the plane by the Pulse. These Gith, like their brethren of the Astral plane, are a race bred for war, and have subjugated the much of the jungle and now rule the planet from their floating iron citadels.

photo by john sheer

Tara          the shattered reality

The former seat of the Reman empire, a technologically advanced civilization that expanded its influence across the multiverse, establishing colonies on most of the Five Earths, and numerous other planes. They are known today by the ruins of their crashed battleships, strange warp-gates, and their surviving colonies, including the cities of Zenith and Tash on the plane of Tristran.

Project Ragnarok: The scientists of the empire dabbled with powerful forces, attempting to bend reality itself to their will. The project backfired, and caused a seeping unreality that continues to eat away at parts of the plane. This mutating force, dubbed the Torque, has given rise to insane forms of life, strange mutations, and the bizarre traditions among the surviving beings in the radioactive ruins. 
The Solar Empire: When the unreality came, it set of a series of chain reactions within the great planet-spanning warpgates in orbit over the Empire's colonies. 

from event horizon

Tristran    the lost colony

Tristan was home to Tara's largest and most established colonies. After the disaster on Tara,the warpgate connecting the two worlds collapsed, and the empire lost contact with the colony. The paranoid colonists split into factions, and warred with one another. With access to horrifically powerful weapons, including torque bombs, they devastated much of the population, and the remaining factions exist only in two highly populated cities, each shielded by powerful magic.

TheInfinite City: Zenith, the capital of the Vale, is ringed by a circular wall a few miles around, but apparently extending infinitely into it’s centre. The population clusters near the edge, while certain neighborhoods move around within, controlled by a massive arc-like structure known as the wheelhouse. Outside, it controls a small nation situated on a fertile river delta and surrounded by smaller settlements.

The Wicked City: Zenith’s enemy, the Witchocracy of Tash, controls the far side of the continent with their biomancy-fuelled adaptations. Although Tash claims to have 'won' the war, and claims more viable territory on Tristran itself, Zenith is ahead in establishing colonies on other planets, thanks to their alliance with the kings and queens of Seriphos, and their access to the gate-relics that alliance grants them. Tesh, though, has colonial ambitions as well.

Seriphos   the Last Homely World

Decadent, crumbling cities ring a sea lit by low-hanging stars. In the north, a line of light across the landscape, beyond which sits interminable darkness. The south, largely unexplored, is a land of steaming jungles, dominated by capricious wind gods and enormous dragons. Once a forgotten backwater, the collapse of the Remans left Seriphos as the greatest remaining population of humanity.

by pascal casolari

The Equinox. Every three hundred and three years, Seriphos enters into conjunction with Hell, and the hordes of demons spill forth. The last time that happened, it nearly spelled doom for humanity, and only the actions of the Unknown Hero forestalled the end. The most recent conflict ended with victory for humanity, thanks to an alliance between Zenith and the city-states of Seriphos. Now the forces of humanity push back against the demons, their airships sail with impunity raining bombs down on the hells, and the demon's capital chaffs under humanity's control. Still, demonic taint and unreality spreads throughout once untrammeled corners of the plane, and the champions of Seriphos scour the forests and mountains to root out the remaining monsters.

Oricalium:  Besides the obvious trade value, there are many alchemical uses for gold, namely to produce the insulating material Oricalium. Ships must be plated with Oricalium to traverse the Blind Eternity between the planes, and many spells require gold components. It is also one of the easiest materials with which to confer Reality, and is retrievable from many worlds that are otherwise unreal. Seriphos sits adjacent to several stable dimensions of the Long Earth, all rich with gold, and from here prospectors set out to stake their claims in this new wave of reality-mining.

Three 5e Spells

Three little spells I found in my campaign notebook. I was trying to come up with more interesting teleportation and travel spell, and threw the pseudo-invisibility in there while I was at it. Special thanks to Goblin Punch for the idea for the Warp Distance spell.

Nondescription

2^nd-level enchantment

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: Touch (special)

Components: S, M

Duration: Concentration

You will not be noticed for the duration of the spell. This functions as a kind of invisibility, but it affects the minds of creatures observing you, deflecting their attention.

Some constructs and mindless undead are immune to this spell and can see you as normal.

The spell extends to actions you perform while protected by the spell. Observers will not notice, and will not remember, even abnormal actions & behaviours. No save is allowed, unless the nondescript character draws more attention to themselves.

Bizarre actions may be remembered dimly, if prompted, but are not seen as important at the time. A successful Charisma saving throw allows for the memory to be saved, otherwise the bizarre activity is not noted in the first place.

Truly disruptive actions, such as attacking a guest at a dinner party, screaming loudly, or being the only person walking through a guarded door, automatically cause the spell to fail, for that observer only. Walking through a doorway behind another guard, however, would not cause the spell to fail.

Overt actions which observers nonetheless seen as normal, such as violence on a battlefield, allow observers of the behaviour a Charisma saving throw to end the effect, for themselves only.

At higher levels: the caster may target one additional target for each spell level above 2^nd that this is cast at.

Seven-League Step

3rd-level Conjuration

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: Touch (special)

Components: S, M (a pair of sturdy boots, worth at least 10sp/ level of the spell, which are mostly worn out by the end of the spell)

Duration: Instantaneous; Concentration (wearer of the boots)

You touch a pair of boots, either unworn, or worn by a willing creature. The boots are temporarily enchanted with powerful travelling magic.

When any character wearing the boots takes a long step (as part of a move action), they instead teleport seven leagues (around 21 miles) in the direction they are facing. The character arrives suddenly, with a woosh, and the magic on the boots is expended.

While the boots are enchanted, the wearer cannot take steps normally without triggering the spell, although they can take very small steps and shuffle around. Their movement speed is halved, and they cannot take the Dash action.

If the character is unfamiliar with the location, the boots try to set them down on the nearest solid, unobstructed ground, provided one is nearby. They prefer to deposit the character outside. If the character knows the area they are headed, they can aim roughly. The boots tend to set the user down in notable locations: the town square instead of boring side street, a crossroads, etc, but they’re not picky. Under no circumstances can the character move less than seven leagues with a casting of the spell.

At higher levels: For each level above 3^rd, the boots continue to function for one more use. The character wearing the boots cannot end the effect early, unless they take off the boots.

Warp Distance

2nd-level Conjuration

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: Touch (special)

Components: S, M, V

Duration: Instantaneous; Concentration (wearer of the boots)

Teleports the caster, and creatures touching the caster, away from their present location.

The caster chooses the direction and distance, which can be up to 1 mile/caster level. Those teleported arrive scattered within a mile of each other. Each person has a 1-in-6 chance of arriving 1d6*1d6 hours later, with no perception of the lost time.

 Each creature teleported in this way has a 50% chance of losing a random item, which remains behind when they teleport.

Thief of Five Fates

The 5e warlock invocation, 'Thief of Five Fates.' Its such a cool name for an ability, but it's just... not that great. It doesn't live up to my expecations, you know?

So I rewrote it. It's based on the predicting dice mechanic that the Divination School wizard has, which is one of my favourite underutilized ideas in 5e. It's definitely overpowered, but I haven't decided where to put it or what to do with it, so that's ok.

Probably what I'd do if someone wanted to use this is have a lower level 'Thief of Three Fates' or even a 'Thief of One Fate' ability, and make the sucker's get the prereqs. But I dunno.

Thief of Five Fates

Like this!
(painting by Randy Berrett)

Five times per day, you may ‘steal’ another character’s d20 roll. Record the result and add it to your pool. You can give them a replacement result from your pool, or just let them roll a new d20 to replace the one you stole. Whenever you roll a d20 for a save, ability check, or attack, you may replace the result with a roll from your pool. Using a number from your pool for either of these purposes removes it from your pool.

Random Advancement (Dog)

One of my players just rolled up a Really Good Dog... But I've been using a lot of the various 'random advancement' tables, and there doesn't seem to be any table for dogs! So I had to write my own. A small contribution to the OSR's excellent dog content.

EDIT: the mysterious blog that I templated this table off've has been uncovered through the magic of Google Plus! so thanks a Perttu Vedenoja, having the baseline to go off've made this a lot easier :)
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By SunaSoldier

01-3: Charisma increases by 2

04-06: Dex increases by 2

07-09: Pick Str, Con, Int, or Wis. That stat increases by 1.

11-13: You’re actually surprisingly good at climbing ladders.

14-15: One of your teeth is magic. By taking -1 to damage you can overcome magic resistances of most creatures. The -1 is cuz you can only bite with one side of your mouth, so if you roll this again the -1 goes away, and then after that your bite counts as a +1 weapon, and so on.

16-17: You can jump twice the normal distance vertically. You can also work a little somersault in there, if you want to .

18-20: Such a cute pup; you get to add your charisma bonus as well as your dex to your AC.

21-23: You get +2 to initiative. If you roll this again, you just get +1, but it keeps stacking. If you’re ever completely surprised, you at least get a bonus action (5e term)

24-26: You can Dash or Disengage as a bonus action.

27-29: Your move speed inceases by 10 feet. Stacks every time you roll.

30-33: Dog farts let you release an effect like a troglodyte stench once per short rest (maybe more if you’ve eaten some really gassy food, but then you don’t get to control exactly when it goes off!) (All creatures within a 5 ft range must succeed on a Constitution saving throw [DC 8+Proficiency+Cha OR Con bonus, whichever is better] or be poisoned until the start of the creature's next turn. On a successful saving throw, the creature is immune to the stench of all dog farts for 1 hour.

34-36: You go up a rank in doggy nobility. Use whatever system for factions, or the 5^th edition one, whichever is most convenient. See an upcoming post for the ‘Dog Clans’ faction info! Sorry, I couldn’t fit it all in here, but I’ll link to it once’ it’s written <3

37-39: You’re part wolf! This doesn’t do much, but it does allow you to have access to a place that is normally ‘no dogs allowed’ or dodge a spell that targets only dogs- cuz you’re not a dog! Also wolves treat you as a (slightly embarrassing) cousin, rather than a decadent traitor of all wolfkind.

DiTerlizzi, OBVS

40-44: Pick a kind of animal, or roll 1d6: 1- goats, 2- horses, 3- cats(booo!), 4- fish, 5- snails, 6- Pigeons & Seagulls. You know that kind of animal’s language.

45-47: All dogs go to heaven, so if you die you can count on a dog angel showing up to escort you to paradise. This is true of ALL dogs, not just ones who roll this power! Your special power is you always know when an action you take would be ‘not good’- that is, something that would endanger the whole ‘going to heaven’ thing, but isn’t immediately obvious. It won’t endanger YOU going to heaven though, obviously. Although it should be noted that if you’re ACTUALLY awful, you might turn into a cat.

48-50: If you bork at a spoopy ghost, IT gets spooped instead of you! Undead with fear attacks have to save as if against their own fear (and if they’re normally immune to fear they’re not immune to this, cuz they’re scaring THEMSELVES- only robot ghosts are maybe immune, unless they’ve learned to love)

51-53: Dogpile! You can join a grapple, regardless of however many people are already in the grapple, and the normal rules for doing so. No penalties. Yes, this will make whatever overly-complex grappling rules even more messy; you don’t care, you just jump in there.

48-50: You can either shove a creature back ten feet or knock it prone in addition of doing your regular damage on a melee hit, if you declare your intent and take a -2 penalty to hit. They can be no larger than a bear (or an ogre, or something in that ballpark) for this to work, and they get to save to just take the damage and keep their footing. If you roll this again, no more size restrictions. Re-roll the third time you’d get this.

51-53: Once per session you may gluttonously devour a week’s worth of rations in one turn.  You heal d6 hit points.  Pigging out does not heal any special or critical effects, only abstract hit points.  Reroll if you get this result again.

54-55: Sic ‘em dog! Once per fight, another character can use an action to get you to do something.

56-57: Things you hit tend to stay hit. add +1 to damage you do. If you roll this again, increase the bonus by 2, so second roll is +3, third +5, fourth +7, and so on.

58-59: +2 to saves against illusions and stuff. You also are no longer fooled by that ‘pretending to throw a stick but then the real stick is still in their hand’ thing that humans do. As often. That +2 also applies to wisdom checks to know when someone’s faking you out.

60-61: Iron stomach. You can eat really gross things (like even grosser than a normal dog) without getting sick. You don’t have to save against normal rancid food or whatever, but in a situation where you have to save (someone put black lotus powder in your kibble), you get a +2 to Poison and Disease saves against stuff that you eat.

62-63: If you’re fighting a skeleton or a creature made out of a significant quantity of bones*, then when you hit them with your bite you can steal one of the bones. This deals triple your normal bite damage, and choose one: 1: steal a leg bone-creature’s speed is halved. 2: arm bone- one less attack per round, or if they only get one, they have disadvantage on that attack. They’ll probably chase you to get the bone back, unless they’re already busy in combat.

If you roll this again, it now works on constructs, then after that pick another kind of thing it works on. You’re probably not actually stealing the orc’s ENTIRE arm if you do that, but you’re putting that limb out of commission for the fight. Probably.

Genius artist unknown

64-65: Dirty Biter. You know better than to fight fair. Once per encounter, you may declare that you are fighting dirty before rolling to hit – you get +2 to-hit for your next attack, and if it hits the target is stunned for d3 rounds (as if they were surprised and unable to act, so your backstabby friends might want to take advantage of that) in addition to taking regular damage. Probably from getting bit in the groin, let’s be honest, but any discernible weak point will allow this to work. If you get this again, get sneak attack +1d6 (like a thief or rogue)

66-67: Herding instinct. If you’re working with groups of herbivores, you can make them do what you want with Charisma or Diplomacy, whatever your system uses. Undomesticated animals can be herded with disadvantage. If you get this again, you can use it on even ridiculous or fantasy animals, like triceratops or hippogriffs (although you might want to be able to fly for that one-maybe you nip them if they try to take off?). If you roll this again, maybe you can use it on sheep-like groups of people? Or just re-roll.

68-69: You’re super good at dodging. +1 AC. Treat it like an extra bonus from Dex, except your Dexterity score doesn’t actually go up. This bonus is double if you use it actively, like taking the Defense action on your turn in 5e.

70-71: You may befriend any one animal, or monster of animal level intelligence.  It must be solitary when encountered. No dice rolls are necessary, you simply make a new friend who will follow you and be loyal as long as you treat it well. You may only use this ability once. Reroll if you get this result again.

couldn't find attribution for this one either, please tell me if you do

72-73: You must have some Elven Moonhound in you!  Roll on the Elf chart.  If you get a result like "Gain a spell slot as usual" you get it as a spell-like ability, if appropriate, otherwise for something more suitably elf-dog-ish.

74-75: You must have some Tunnel Setter in you! Roll on the Dwarf chart.

76-77: You can snatch the missiles out of the air with your teeth, like someone was throwing a stick for you. Works once per turn.

78: The rumours are true – that thing you wanted? The Collar of Best in Show? The Human Whistle? The thighbone of Tyroganon Ferox? That really good belly rub? It’s there. 4 sessions worth of adventure away or less. Tell your Referee, who then must place it.

You must have a fair shot at it – like any other treasure, but there’s no guarantee you will get it. If you don’t get it by the fourth session you can keep trying or let it go and roll again on this table. However, if you choose to roll again and then you do get the thing somehow anyway, you lose whatever gimmick you rolled. your Ref needs to think up some clever reason why.

79: You’re a really excellent watchdog! You’re never surprised when you’re keeping watch, and your companions are able to rouse themselves immediately when they hear your warning barks.

80-81: Your crit range extends by one (so you do criticals on a natural 19 and 20 when you first get this, 18-20 the second time around, and so on).

82-83: You’ve seen some shit. Immune to fear effects. If you re-roll this, your companions get +2 to saves vs. fear if they can witness your resolve, then +4 and so on.

84-86: Pick an environment you’ve spent a lot of time fighting in: city, dungeon, wilderness, desert, sea, etc. Whatever it is, you can now anticipate wandering monsters a round ahead of time in that environment and are immune to (mundane) surprise there. If you re-roll this, pick another environment or get an extra round of anticipation, your choice.

87-88: Nimble lil dog! Any time you would normally save for half damage, you take no damage on a successful save. If you roll this again, you take half damage even if you fail your save.

89-90: Spooky moves! As a reaction when you get hit, reduce the incoming damage by half. Only works once per turn.

 

I think this is ye olde history art

91-92: You can force a morale check on an enemy group by just growling and barking, even if they outnumber you (but they should probably get a bonus of some sort in that case). This takes no action, but you can do it only once per encounter. Failure means they either run away or freeze in fear (so no fighting retreats). Only works on intelligent enemies with less HD than you (or HD1, in case you get this at first level). If you reroll this, you get to treat your level as 2 higher when using this.

93: Fleabag. Sure, you’re always scratching, but once per fight you can give them to an enemy within 5 feet. They get -1d4 to all attack rolls, saves, and skill checks, until they get a remove curse or a flea collar or something.

94-95: Get stronger/tougher/more limber. Increase a random physical attribute score by +1, up to your maximum value. If you would go over that, pick one of the other two to add to instead. If you’ve somehow maxed out everything already, no re-rolls.

96-97: Add an extra weapon damage die to critical hits. (or, increase multiplier by one if that sort of lingo pleases you.)

98-99: Vorpal bite. If you roll a natural 20 against something with a head in melee and it’s level/HD is equal to or less than yours, it doesn’t have a head anymore. (Effectiveness of head loss may vary depending on the enemy, your Referee will tell you.)

Treat your level as one higher than it actually is (for purposes of decapitation only) for each re-roll of this.

00: Your latent Magic Dog powers manifest. Pick any spell with a level less than your own if you were a wizard. You can cast it once per day, but only on yourself (and your best friend I guess if it’s a healing spell)

It's dogs playing D&D what more do you want

In summary, I would like to provide this link to all of you. I hope it brings you much joy.

Tome of Sangelus

Within a lost tomb on a vacant hill, Hekla of the White Hand uncovered the Tome of Sangelus. One of the Nine Betrayers, who ended the rule of the Kyriarch Darvatius, before the end of the world three hundred and twenty-two years ago. This book survived, one of the few relics to survive the Fire.

PDF here. It's formatted to be printed on 8.5/11 and folded up into a little booklet. So the first page you see is the back cover, once it's folded. I haven't distributed stuff from google drive in this way before, so let me know if the link isn't working properly!

Special thanks to Goblin Punch's 'spell mutations' which helped provide inspiration for a lot of these. The spell 'Devastate Undead Servant' may have been converted wholecloth from another post in that blog, if I correctly recall.

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Blend with Smoke
2nd-level illusion

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: Touch

Components: V, S, M (a mirror, smoke, a crown of amaranth[optional])

Duration: Concentration, up to 1 hour

When in an area of at least light smoke, you may blend yourself into the air, becoming invisible for the duration. 

By placing a crown of amaranth on a creature’s head, you may target them instead of yourself. You may also wear the crown yourself. If the spell is cast with the crown, the cast does not need to concentrate, as the crown acts as a focus, and the spell lasts 1d4 hours, or until dismissed.

In addition, the ephemeral smoke means the creatures have disadvantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks to hear the invisible creature. The acrid smoke leaves a distinctive smell, however.

Anything the target is wearing or carrying is invisible as long as it is on the target's person. The spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell, or if the crown is removed.

At Higher Levels: When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 3rd level or higher, you can target one additional creature for each slot level above 2nd

Sooth Spirits

2nd-level enchantment

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: 60 feet

Components: V, S, M (offering of chocolate[optional])

Duration: Concentration, up to 1 minute

You attempt to calm nearby ghosts, fiends, elementals, or fey. Each such creature in a 20-foot-radius sphere centered on a point you choose within range must make a Charisma saving throw; a creature can choose to fail this saving throw if it wishes. If a creature fails its saving throw, choose one of the following two effects.

You can suppress any ability of a target to charm or frighten. When this spell ends, any suppressed effect resumes, provided that its duration has not expired in the meantime.

Alternatively, you can make a target indifferent about creatures of your choice that it is hostile toward. This indifference ends if the target is attacked or harmed by a spell or if it witnesses any of its friends being harmed.

When the spell ends, the spirit becomes hostile again, unless the DM rules otherwise.

If an offering of chocolate is used, the spell has a 50% chance of replenishing any spell slots or spell dice used in it’s casting when the spell ends.

 Omen of Blood

2nd-level divination (ritual)
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Self
Components: V, S, M (Blood of freshly dead humanoid or beast)
Duration: Instantaneous

By studying the entrails or the patterns of the blood, you receive an omen from an otherworldly entity about the results of a specific course of action that you plan to take within the next 30 minutes. The DM chooses from the following possible omens:

•    Weal, for good results

•    Woe, for bad results

•    Weal and woe, for both good and bad results

•    Nothing, for results that aren’t especially good or bad

The spell doesn’t take into account any possible circumstances that might change the outcome, such as the casting of additional spells or the loss or gain of a companion. If you cast the spell two or more times before completing your next long rest, there is a cumulative 25 percent chance for each casting after the first that you get a random reading. The DM makes this roll in secret.

Sangelus's Leeching
Necromancy cantrip
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 60 feet
Components: S
Duration: Instantaneous

You drain life energy from a creature you can see within range. The target must succeed on a Constitution saving throw or take 1d4 necrotic damage. You then gain temporary hit points equal to half the amount of damage dealt. This spell has no effect on undead or constructs.

            This spell’s damage increases by 1d4 when you reach 5th level (2d4), 11th level (3d4), and 17th level (4d4).

Lesser Animate Dead
2nd-level necromancy
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: 10 feet
Components: V, S, M (a drop of blood, a piece of flesh, and a pinch of bone dust)
Duration: Instantaneous

This spell creates an undead servant. Choose a pile of bones or a corpse of a Small or Tiny beast, monstrosity, or plant within range. Your spell imbues the target with a foul mimicry of life, raising it as an undead creature. The target becomes a skeleton if you chose bones or a zombie if you chose a corpse or a plant (the DM has the creature’s game statistics, which should represent an undead form of whatever creature was targeted).
            On each of your turns, you can use a bonus action to mentally command any creature you made with this spell if the creature is within 60 feet of you (if you control multiple creatures, you can command any or all of them at the same time, issuing the same command to each one). Or you can issue a general command, such as to guard a particular chamber. If you issue no commands, the creature only defends itself against hostile creatures.
            The creature is under your control for 24 hours, after which it stops obeying any command you’ve given it. To maintain control of the creature for another 24 hours, you must cast this spell on the creature again before the current 24-hour period ends. This use of the spell reasserts your control over up to four creatures you have animated with this spell, rather than animating a new one.
            At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 3rd level or higher, you animate or reassert control over two additional undead creatures for each slot level above 2nd. Each of the creatures must come from a different corpse or pile of bones.

Devastate Undead Servant
4th-level necromancy
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V, S, M (one black onyx stone worth at least 50 gp)
Duration: Instantaneous

Target an undead creature that you control (such as by the create undead or dominate monster spells) and that you can see within range. That creature is instantly destroyed, leaving no remains, while you regain hit points equal to that creature's remaining hit points at the time of its destruction.